it hurts more in the daytime
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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