I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Someone shattered a urinal.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
