We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I need a beard to bite.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
