I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
