The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm like, not good at living.
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