ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
