Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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