she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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