he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
