My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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