awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
