i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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