Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
