I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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