Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The Olympian is in my bed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
