at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
