I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
