Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
