I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
