you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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