can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
