Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
