And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
