what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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