my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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