He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
