haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
