Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If I die, sorry about rent.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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