Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
