It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
