Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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