Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
