I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
