The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
