Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
