i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
