We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
