He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
