Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So drunk its hurt
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
