I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
