Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
