so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
