i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
