Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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