Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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