I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
