I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
