dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
