Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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