It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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