Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ketchup is God's man juice
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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